Anonymous asked: I love your blog, it's so beautiful. I began following it around the same time as I did another, who shall remain nameless. I 've seen and read the terrible things that have been said about you and I want you to know that your fellow followers know that there are always two sides to everything. You were clearly are the one with the true class in the relationship. Keep your head held high and be proud of who you are, don't let him make you ever doubt your beauty and self worth.
I’m so sorry to only be replying to this now. I went on a bit of a hiatus from tumblr. But honestly I did read this prior to the fact, and the reality of the situation is that I was unsure of how to reply, and slightly scared. I just want to say I appreciate what you said more than you will ever realize, I looked to this message often in moments of self doubt and it helped me immensely. However, I do want to say, that I understand why he wrote the things he did about me. He was hurting and his blog is his personal outlet for expressing his emotions. Of course I read the posts, of course many of them were painful to read, but often times people’s sadness is clouded with feelings of anger and resentment. His feelings are valid, as are anyone’s. Lately, I tend to internalize a lot of my emotions, meditate on them and try to discover what in my nature makes me feel the way I do in each given situation but that doesn’t make how he copes with pain wrong. We are all such vastly unique individuals and therefor we need our own unique ways of dealing with obstacles in life. He was doing just that, being his authentic self, and coping in a way that was true and right for him.
His and my relationship was one of the most intense relationships I have ever encountered in my life. And when I say “intense” I don’t mean this all negatively. My ex-boyfriend IS an incredible individual with more love to give others than anyone I have ever known. With that being said. The relationship wasn’t healthy anymore and I felt I was beginning to lose myself in it. I wasn’t being true to the person I am and lost touch with my inner spirit, the spark in me that made me, me felt non-existent. I’m not saying this was his fault by any means, no one can be held accountable for my emotions, I am in control of my emotions and how I let relationships and the world effect me. But I did lose my sight of my individuality and self respect. Coming to the realization that the relationship was no longer healthy was one of the most difficult things I have ever dealt with, because I did love him, more than anything at the time. But I came to realize the issue was exactly that, loved him more than I loved myself and I relied on him completely for my happiness and well being. That wasn’t fair for either of us. I know this is the most obnoxiously long winded response to an encouraging anon message and I could have just stopped at “thankyou”. But I have been wanting to say these things for some time now and clear the air. As much as I appreciate the support I never want people to think he deserve ANY less respect. My last relationship was truly the best thing that could have ever happened to me, simply because it helped me truly appreciate, love and respect myself. For the first time in my life I feel at peace with the person I am and I will forever be grateful for all he taught me. I truly hope he finds/found the love he deserves in all aspects of his life.
Thankyou again for being so understanding and supportive !